The Woes of Anxiety

I’ve always been an anxious person, though I only really noticed this trait of mine recently. I guess you could call me a worrier. I always tend to think up the worst case scenario and convince myself that it will materialise itself. 99% of the time things turn out fine, but that doesn’t stop the negative thoughts from seeping into my mind. They’re all talking about you. They don’t like you. You’re not going to get that job so don’t even bother applying. Don’t turn up to that interview because everyone is going to hate you and you’ll do terrible. Don’t even make the effort to get to know that person, they won’t like you. I think you get the gist. The mind can be a cruel thing sometimes. A cruel thing that robs you of opportunities that could benefit you greatly, because your mind is so set on holding you back.

This year hasn’t been great for me because of that very thing. That thing called anxiety. My old friend. Or should I say, my worst enemy. That thing tries its damned hardest to convince me not to pursue my dreams because what’s the point? You’re 27, just settle down already! 

The biggest thing that I’ve had to deal with this year is the fear of not being accepted and feeling like I don’t belong. Feeling like I am too different from everyone around me for them to like me. It’s caused me to hibernate from the world and feel like I wasn’t deserving of a life. I was afraid to go out into the real world, for fear of negative approval from those around me.

It stems from that fear of being hated, which is something I’ve always had. When faced with that fear I chose to run away, which of course only makes things worse. Your fear begins to intensify until it cripples you. You feel like you can’t do anything and you’re too afraid to come back out of your shell and face reality.

What I’ve learnt over this past year, is how anxiety is an illness that can be just as deadly as depression. The two go hand in hand, because if you allow anxiety to consume you then depression may be just around the corner. It’s hard, but I continue to fight anxiety in the hopes that I can be free from it one day.

11 thoughts on “The Woes of Anxiety

    1. Definitely! I think realising that it is a problem is something that will help me moving forward. I can at least realise when it is happening and learn to control it.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Anxiety affects all of us so don’t feel alone. You’ve taken a step to control it by writing and posting about it. You’re part of a community that loves you. Feeling down, We will brighten you up. Don’t forget that. Keep writing.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Every word you wrote in this post is something that I deeply understand, because I suffer from anxiety and it gets so intense when social interaction with others is involved. I think of the worst scenarios and a lot of times I convince myself that others don’t like me, or think that I am weird, simply because I am thinking these things of myself. I have to remind myself that anxiety makes me think the worst things, especially things I have no proof of (like how someone sees me). Unless someone tells me they don’t like me, how will I know that they don’t? I’ve held myself back from a lot of opportunities simply because I let my fears and doubts cripple me from moving forward to that happy place, but I told myself no more. This blog has challenged me so much to come out of my shell and from time to time anxiety will whisper to me to get my butt back home to it, but I give it the hand and tell it bug off! Lol.

    I think you are a wonderful person with a beauty that shines inside and out. You will get through this and I know that you will meet all those goals you set for yourself and get to that happy place you wish to be one day. One day at a time… remember that. ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s comforting to know that I am not the only one that has struggled with anxiety, as I have often felt alone in my battle (only because I have bottled it up instead of opening up to someone about it)
      Thank you so much for your comment, it really does mean a lot. I am sure I will get to where I want to be. It takes time but I know I will get through it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re very welcome, Natalya, and you’re definitely not alone. It really helps to know that we’re not the only ones struggling with certain thoughts and feelings and it always feels good when we are able to share those things and be understood. You’ll get through this, my friend. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Just looking at the comments, I can tell so many more people suffer from anxieties than things like mainstream media usually let us see. People like you, by being brave and posting about their situations, allow others so much help. Though I’m usually ok, times like right now when I’m stressed at work can cause me undue suffering. Reading things like this help me to feel like I’m not alone.

    If you haven’t already, seeking professional help can really be awesome (though, in America, affording it is… questionable. Don’t know how it is in the UK.). I believe in you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been looking into that. I would be able to see someone for free, only they put you on a waiting list for months which can be a drag. It definitely helps to open up, it’s relieving.
      And thank you so much! I’m sure I will be fine 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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